Hello everyone, the Historian here. Return with us to the Planet of the Gonds, where the Doctor, Jamie and Zoe have gotten mixed up in a very gondish problem. Full house tonight, so let’s get to the episode! This episode first aired 4 January 1969.
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H = Historian
K = Ketina
R = Ronelyn
Sp = Spoo
MS = MiniSpoo
EG = Elfgrrl
P = Photobug
A = Altair
E = Ezio
MS: That’s one way to end it. Kill Jamie now!
EG: So, are those the… Kron… Kond things?
E: Krotons.
EG: Those things?
K: The big silver looking things, yes.
R: They’re Krotons, you croutons.
EG: So I was right!
P: Okay, Jamie’s a gonner this time.
EG: What?
P: I thought for sure we were going to go negative energy there.
EG: No! Jamie cannot die! He’s one of the main characters.
K: Companions have been killed before. They are willing to kill companions.
H: But only once. Or twice, depending on how you count Sara Kingdom.
K: And several more in the future, too.
A: I love how Jamie is perfectly confident to go in any situation as long as he has his fists or a stick.
H: A metal stick.
P: Okay, first of all, no shoulder pads! What up with that. If you’re going to go in the machine, at least have fashion!
H: I thought that too. If they were going to have to be the companions of the Krotons the least they could have had the big padded robes and the bizarre springy necklace.
K: It would have been unnecessary filler.
E: But fashionable filler, right.
K: I was fine with skipping the fashion to get to the plot, thank you.
Sp: Obligatory one week late, hubba hubba, on Zoe’s short skirt. I’m sorry I wasn’t here last week.
H: So, this episode does have my favorite bit of this story in it, which is everything surrounding the Doctor, Zoe, and the teaching machines. I just love that whole sequence – it’s just hilarious. “The Doctor is almost as clever as I am.”
R: <Doctor voice> “Go away! Don’t fuss me. No, come back. What’s this do?”
Sp: I’ve had coworkers like that.
R: Yeah, I mean, I have to think that Zoe knew this was going to get her chosen, but she couldn’t resist! I mean, it’s a standardized test!
EG: I think she just has curiosity, and she didn’t know what she was in for, and she doesn’t know what she did.
MS: Doesn’t she know that expression “curiosity killed the cat?”
E: She’s not a cat.
K: And she’s from the future.
MS: It works with everyone.
R: She’s not a Gond! So, apparently their whole detection system is “Gond” and “Not Gond.”
P: I was kind of expecting Zoe to pull a “fry the computer” thing again.
A: I thought she was going to hack it.
Sp: A psychic interface. How quaint.
P: The pattern recognition sequence – it was nice to see the cliffhanger at the beginning actually held together this time. But I think the leap to “it’s only going to kill one of us” was kind of not logical. I am, of course, faulting the script writer here.
R: Hey, it’s the best the guy could do on 3 coffees and 1 hour of sleep.
H: Not only is that no how the script was written, but that is not the best Robert Holmes could do on 3 coffees and 1 hour of sleep. We get closer to Talons of Wen Chiang on that, and that’s pretty amazing.
R: I loved… what’s his name, the village headman.
H: Scotty-Gond. He’s Scottish and he’s a Gond. I don’t remember his real name.
R: So anyway, before he can make his big public pronouncement, he’s like “better assume my Shakespeare pose!” Now them, them was some shoulder pads.
P: There’s no B-plot.
H: The closest thing was the Jamie plot. There was Zoe and the Doctor and then everything with Jamie.
R: There was a tiny bit of plot with… BarbarGond do we say? And her boyfriend BubbaGond.
H: I thought BubbaGond was the other guy who went in with her who was vaporized. Last week the boyfriend was GameraversusbaraGond. At least, he’s the only one you mentioned who might vaguely fit.
R: A Gond is a Gond is a Gond.
H: A Gond by any other name… would be as… not terribly interesting.
R: So anyway “It’s alright dear. You’re safe, you’re safe. Of course, we are still herd animals for a bunch of psychotic robots, but… you know… other than that you’re safe.”
Sp: So anyway… SLEEP!
R: I did love the part where she was grabbing his face and kind of kneeding it. “Oh… sshsehs aahwwwwakk.”
Sp: Both actors were making some… interesting choices there. I considered myself an expert on awkward hugs.
P: Us too.
Sp: They were having an awkward hug.
EG: Let’s hug. <Elfgrrl and Ezio have an awkward hug.>
<laughter>
Sp: That was, indeed, an awkward hug. Accurate reenactment.
<Elfgrrl has a bit of a laughing issue.>
P: Okay, I personally was really into the use of a super wide angle super fisheye lense. I approve of this artistic choice.
R: Yeah. I wasn’t going to put it quite so technically, but that was a very effective effect.
K: I found it kind of over the top, myself. But an inexpensive way to get the point across, yes. Ray beam bad.
R: Here, hang on to this watch chain for…
Sp: Reasons.
R: Because… shut up.
K: It was just technobabble?
H: I guess.
R: If they had mentioned force potential anywhere else!
H: But they didn’t have the chance before.
R: That was my point.
<not feeling so good guys… sorry, need to wrap this up, early.>
H: So, final thoughts?
Sp: You can have my final thought… <critic voice> It stinks! <thumbs up>
K: You didn’t like it?
Sp: No, not really.
K: Well, you didn’t see the first part.
H: Yes, because that would make such a difference. Well, it’s still better than the Dominators.
R: Yeah, these guys look like icecube trays instead of avocados.
K: No. The Dominators looked like artichokes.
R: Are we really going to have this argument?
K: Not until I’m feeling better.
H: So, because Ketina is not feeling well tonight, in all seriousness, we should skip to final thoughts. Ezio?
E: Jamie! Noooooo!… I’m sure he’ll be fine.
R: It’s too late dear, he’s Gond.
<groans. Or Gonds. Or something.>
P: Not it!
E: That’s all I got.
A: It was awesome.
K: Seriously?
A: I don’t have anything.
P: Great photography. Good acting.
K: Really?
R: Mediocre plot.
P: Jamie did a really good job of playing a less than intelligent person for the entire season for just this moment.
A: Less advanced.
P: Fine, less advanced. There wasn’t much suckitude when it came to the plot. It just moved really smoothly.
K: In a good way?
P: Yeah.
H: I agree that the pace was good in this episode.
R: Yeah. The nothing happened in a nice smooth pace.
K: Yeah. The plot did skip right along. It didn’t feel like there was any filler. But I can’t say it was good.
P: I liked it. Looking forward to next week.
EG: <giggles> I don’t know exactly, because I did not get to see the first episode.
P: So it doesn’t stand by itself.
EG: I’m just mad at you for missing last week. It’s an appropriate kid thing.
K: Okay.
EG: But I did like it. Except I wouldn’t like it if it left with Jamie about to die.
K: It’s called a cliff hanger.
H: Scotsman is about to die!
Sp: Don’t shoot the haggis! Shots do not hurt other companions… yet.
<Really. Gauntlet humor? Are any of our… readers? Going to even get that?>
R: Hahaha Gondlet.
H: Minispoo? Do you have anything to say?
MS: <thinks> JAMIE!!!! And there.
EG: And that’s from me too. JAAAAAMMMIIIEEEEE!!! For five seconds. And then put in eight more E’s.
H: Since Spoo has already gone… Ronelyn?
Sp: Wait, I do have a question. What the hell accent do the Crutons have?
P: I believe that goes with the Caesar salad.
H: It depends. If we had used Russian dressing… never mind.
R: There must be better jokes we can be making about this.
P: It’s never stopped me.
Sp: No, really. It’s bugging me. It’s northerner or something… ish.
H: It was a sort of Northerner-ish thing. But it wasn’t really Brummie. And I swear I hear almost a little bit of Cockney as well.
Sp: Yeah. It just seemed as if there was some pudgy doughy white dude with a wrench and overalls inside the Kroton outfit. It was really distracting because I expect a higher quality of voice acting from my robot bad guys in Doctor Who.
E: That is a sentence I never thought I would hear.
H: One of the actors doing the voices was Roy Skelton, who also does the Daleks and Cybermen and whatnot. He was apparently trying something different.
R: “And the uvva one was a guy named Neville from down in the loading docks.”
K: Okay.
H: Alright, so. Getting back. Ronelyn?
R: <Kroton voice> “This is a warning! All Gonds leave the learning area immediately.” <other Kroton voice> “Yeah. Get Gond.”
H: You have no right to comment on my gags after that one. That was…
P: Reader, I usually don’t outsource my humor.
H: Do you have anything more?
R: Are you sure you want to ask?
H: Go ahead.
Sp: <Kroton> “All Gonds, leave the learning area.” <Gond> “We can’t, you didn’t teach us where the door is.”
EG: That is original!
Sp: <Kroton> “No. Get out.” <Gond> “Teach us where the door is.” <Kroton> “Stay long enough to learn where the door is, and then leave!” <Gond> “So… do we go now?” <Kroton> “Door there. Go now!”
R: Follow the pointing penis robot!
<And the kids are giggling because we used the “p” word.>
MS: Yeah, we are definitely talking about p for pointing. Exactly what we mean.
R: <Gond> “Yes, the robot killed Dougond. There was a flash, and suddenly he wasn’t Gond.”
<lots of groans>
H: Do you have more?
R: <Gond> “I’m sorry Jamie, your friends are Gond. Well, I mean they’re not Gond…” <Kroton> “Yes, these are not Gond!” <Gond> “But… ah… you get my point.” <Kroton> “That is a Gond.” <Gond> “That’s great, oh great Krotons. Next week we’ll work on colors.”
H: Alright. I think it’s Ketina’s turn.
K: I’m glad there was no filler. And while the main cast was, as almost always, good, the rest was just too silly for me.
H: You didn’t like Scotty Gond?
K: Which one was… oh yeah. No. I did not like OveractingGond.
R: Papagond.
Sp: I hear he delivers.
R: Shakespeare pose guy!
K: Yes. Anyway… as I said last week, I’m remember things as they happened. Like I remember what would happen when the Doctor took the test. It is as silly as I remember. It’s fun because I’m watching it with you guys.
H: As I said earlier, this episode has the most memorable moments of the story for me, which is all of the stuff with the learning machines and the Doctor and Zoe. I have to admit, most of the rest of the story doesn’t stick in my mind. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. We didn’t talk about one that I think would be pretty cool, which is the whole crystal based life form, and the idea that they were dormant. I want to mention it now to remind us to talk about it next week.
R: Stay tuned next week for “Jamie gets Kilt! Or… Gond today, but McCrimmon’ back tomorrow.”
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And there’s another episode down in this Very Gondy Story. In all seriousness, we’re having a great time (our opinions on the story itself notwithstanding), and we hope you are too. Why not let us know with a comment or two? Until next week, I remain
THE HISTORIAN
NEXT WEEK: THE KROTONS EPISODE 3
